I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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