He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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