We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
