i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I am one with the molecules
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
