he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
