he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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