he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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