Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
