she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
