i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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