Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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