i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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