I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
