I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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