bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
