never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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