Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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