Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
