Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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