capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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