At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
