Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
