My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
