dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
