Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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