Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
