mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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