Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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