NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
