I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
