Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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