she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
