Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
