Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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