you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
