Your dad touched me again.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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