Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
