He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
