I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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