Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
