And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
