Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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