this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
