yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
