She's JV to your varsity
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Randomize
