his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He better not be in your backpack
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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