i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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