my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
