Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
