It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
