i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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