Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My ATM looks so different sober.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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