All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
